Want to cultivate more gratitude? Ask yourself this one question.

“Look for the answer inside the question.”- Rumi

Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

“What’s the gift in this?”

It’s a simple and powerful question. And I’ve learned that like all good questions, the answers you find in the inquiry can transform you. These five words have helped me unearth gratitude in some of the hardest moments of my life, perhaps like some of the moments you’ve experienced in this crazy uncertain year.

I started asking myself this nearly a decade ago when I was a highly stressed and severely depressed CEO running a wildly complex organic meal delivery business in DC. I’d discovered my business partner wasn’t who I thought he was, and I was living on the verge of bankruptcy while cleaning up a nearly insurmountable mess of financial betrayal. I was in a regular process of reckoning with my new unwelcome version of reality, and every day there were so many fires to put out that my life became completely blinding.

And still, I knew that if I could look for the gifts — what I was learning, what I was letting go of that had been holding me back, all the experiences that were shaping me into a stronger and more powerful version of myself — that I could somehow get through it, and eventually thrive.

I wasn’t necessarily able to feel grateful, per se, but this practice helped me find some levity and compassion for myself during my constant challenges.

Here’s one of the most important things I learned: gratitude orients you toward generosity. It allows you bring more kindness to yourself and others even when it might feel impossible to do so.

Couldn’t we all use a little more of that right now??

Many studies have shown that regularly focusing on what you are grateful for boosts your mood, makes you feel healthier and sleep better, decreases anxiety and depression, builds resilience and improves self-esteem. There are so many benefits of gratitude, we even have a whole holiday dedicated to it (looking at you right around the corner, Thanksgiving!).

Even the tiniest amount of time spent reflecting on gratitude can create huge positive ripples in your life. If you need help getting started, here are a few of my favorite practices (and you can find more here):

1. At the end of the day (especially a stressful one) jot down three things you feel grateful for or say them out loud to your partner, spouse or roommate. Bonus points for sharing WHY you feel grateful — it grounds your feeling of gratitude even more. Another way to frame this is to ask yourself: “What went well today?”
2. Write a thank you note or text. It can be long and thoughtful or short and sweet. Tell someone that has made an impact on you that you are grateful for them or thinking of them. Makes me feel good every time!
3. Take a walk and practice noticing all the beauty around you. Slow down and take it in. Say a few quiet or silent “thank you’s” to yourself.
4. Do some journaling or reflection on the question: “What’s the gift in this situation or experience?” The quality of our life experience is determined by the focus of our attention. And it can take practice to bring our attention to the positive, rather than the negative.

You can squeeze these practices in where you have time or create an intentional, powerful ritual around them. You do you, as they say.

I constantly try to remember: what you appreciate, appreciates.

So let’s practice appreciating more.